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Table of Contents Preface: Man, Child, in a Snake-Filled Land Intro: To Hell & Back… and The Scars To Prove BOOK ONE: MY MOST INFAMOUS SCREW- UPS Chapter 1: The Top 5. . .The Do Not’s and Never-Ever-Evers #1 Do Not Spend What You Do Not Have #2 Never Ever Ever Sign Personal Guarantees #3 Never Ever Ever Make a Decision While in a Negative Emotional State #4 Never Ever Ever Make a Decision While in a Positive Emotional State #5 Never Ever Ever Make A Decision While your Ego is Involved Chapter 2: The next 5. . .The Single Never Evers #6 Never Ever Hire a Friend as your Attorney (or accountant) #7 Never Ever Overpromise and Under-Deliver #8 Never Ever Sh?t Where you Eat #9 Never Ever Sell the Sizzle Without Having the Most Steaks on the Grill #10 Never Ever Have Anyone Work for you for Free Chapter 3: The Important Nevers #11 Never Start your business without a secretary #12 Never Be Caught With The Lights Out #13 Never Try to Fit A Three-Foot Rock into a Two-foot Hole #14 Never Write Checks to Cash #15 Never Believe it from a pencil pusher #16 Never Put Anything past anyone #17 Never Use Your Own Money #18 Never Go On A Suicide Mission #19 Never Grow Too Quickly #20 Never Feed the Hand that can Bite You Chapter 4: Don’t #21 Don’t Jump The Gun #22 Don’t Do Any work for anyone without knowing who the hand that feeds you belongs to. #23 Don’t Be Confused between working hard and working smart #24 Don’t Be Fooled By Big Numbers #25 Don’t Hide Behind A Phone #26 Don’t Write your Own contracts #27 Don’t Get Overly Friendly with your Employees #28 Don’t Sign Contracts With A Foreign Corporation unless you’re prepared to live there #29 Don’t Bang Your Personal Credit Cards #30 Don’t screw your employees. #31 Don’t Act Your Age #32 Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for help #33 Don’t Introduce one Creditor to Another #34 Dot Every ?I?, Cross Every ?T?, Leave no Stone Unturned, believe wholeheartedly in ?Murphy? and go over your Checklist Thrice. . .and Don’t Trust a Soul. #35 Don’t Be Second Out of the Bag #36 Don’t Take a Gamble with anyone other than You Chapter 5: No Such Thing As #37 No Such thing as a verbal agreement #38 No Such Thing as a Sure Thing #39 No Such thing as a cleared check BOOK TWO: MORE CASE STUDIES & SOME OTHER THINGS I LEARNED ALONG THE WAY Chapter 6: The Art of Screwing Up the Deal Section One: More War Stories #40 Don’t waste Time #41 Don’t Spend Time Talking to Ghosts #42 The Jack of All Trades… is a Jackass #43 Don’t go to an investor that is looking for an investor #44 The runner-up gets the annual membership to the cheese-of-the-month club. #45 Don’t Pitch to the Designated Hitter #46 Don’t accept a boat that comes with holes in the bottom #47 Never try to fit a four-foot rock into a three-foot hole #48 The Walkers never Talk, The Talkers Never Walk #49 A Small Fish in a Huge Ocean Never Reaches The Shore Section Two: The Many Faces of The Investor The Silent Investor The ‘Loud’ Investor The Celebrity Investor The Angel Investor The Strategic Partner The Venture Capitalist The Seed Investor Lending Institutions, the SBA, and Minority Lenders Section Three: The ‘Play by Play’ of The Deal Step One: The First Contact Step Two: Sending The Plan Step Three: The Letter Step Four: The follow-up call Step Five: The Two-week call Step Six: The Meeting of the Minds Step Seven: The Post-Meeting Report Step Eight: The Number Crunching Meeting Step Nine: Bring On the Lawyers Chapter 7: When It’s ?not? about money When forty bucks makes you a millionaire Free Equity Sweat Equity Strategic Alliances Performance Equity Brand Value Chapter 8: When Trust is a Four-Letter Word Trust Honesty and Kindness Emotion Chapter 9: Tricks of the Trade Section One: When Technology Sucks #50 Why This Book Almost Never Existed #51 How I lost Touch with Three Hundred of my Closest Friends Section Two: When The Door to Your Office is Always Open… Without You In It #52 How I made my Deepest Secrets Public Knowledge #53 How To Become Your Competitor’s # 1 Employee… Without Knowing It. #54 How To Guarantee you won’t Get the order #55 How To Spend Ten Years Losing money Chapter 10: Doing Math with the Wrong Calculator ‘MJ Accounting 101’ Return On Investment The Murphy Button You accountant is your doctor Chapter 11: Wishing You a Safe and Enjoyable Journey
